Simpson takes a pregnant pause(Water-)breaking news flooded the blogosphere this weekend when Ashlee Simpson, the second product from Papa Joe's C-list celebrity plant, announced her latest release: baby Bronx Mowgli. Simpson's Baby Daddy is Fallout Boy bassist Bad Spiderman.
Pop culture pundits are abuzz with speculation regarding the etymology of the newborn's name. While christening your child after the place of its conception is one of the most scarring parental faux-pas imaginable (one night in Paris logically enough led to One Night in Paris), even more inane is naming your infant after a locale you've never visited. And as any Manhattanite who has braved The Bronx can attest, the Wentzes would be run out of the outer borough before their skull-decaled limousine ever reached the RFK Bridge.
Like every faithful tabloid follower, I'm all for the rich and famous passing on neuroses to the next generation of rehab charges. After all, what better name to read beneath a mugshot than "Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee?" But for the love of lunacy, why not keep to subjects that you are personally batshit crazy about--we're looking at you, Kal-El Coppola Cage--before all household conversations start sounding like J.Lo anthems, punctuated with bursts of barrio solidarity. Let's leave the declarations of hometown pride to the Jennys from the block. (The BRONX!)
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